Taking back my life
For the past 4months you have done nothing but control and belittle me… i thought you loved me? i forgave you for every little thing you ever did to me… no matter how much your words hurt i tried to understand.
I know i can argue just as good as anyone else i can cause an argument like clicking my fingers… But thats not how it was, was it?
for once it wasnt me that started this… it was you… over a stupid facebook picture that you thought was me saying “hey guys come look at me” it wasnt… i was full clothed laying on my front on my bed.. there wasnt even clevage showing!
you told me who i could and couldnt be friends with… you made me give up the most important people to me.. because you was jelouse… you started going through my phone… reading my texts even tho i wasnt playing away.. you was always paranoid… i gave up alot for you.. i love my partying and my nights in with friends…
I let you have control i gave you everything i had and alot more… i tried to believe that i was in the wrong.. i brainwashed myself into believing you was right and i was wrong… i let people blame me.. i let your mother tell me i was wrong when i wasnt…
But today that all changed didnt it?
today you took it too far… a push a shove a cut knee.. thats all fine when your in love right?
but no… you punched you kicked you pulled my hair.. you verbally abuse.. you punched and kicked my stomach until i was nearly heaving… you punched me in the arm until i couldnt stand anymore… you pushed me to my limits to the part where i closed my eyes and hoped i’d be sucked into blackness so i didnt have to feel the pain didnt have to look in the face of my abuser…
But no… that wasnt the way it was going to be today was it?
I have a voice… and i decided to use it… you may have beaten me black and blue or even made me feel like i am the one to blame… but you have not taken my self respect.
I may not be perfect infact ive never once said i was… but these 4months have been a tourturus hell… and i am not to blame..
you seemed so suprise when i phoned the police on you.. did you really think i wouldnt? i couldnt play your twisted mind games anymore.. you can make me out to be a monster.. but the monster here is you..
Im no longer afraid of you… i lost everything i ever held for you… i tried to make you happy i tried my hardest to help you out in hard time.. but you repayed me by becoming possesive and hurting me…
your not my keeper anymore.. i am finally free..
you may not have gotton anything for what you did to me.. a silly little police caution… but in those seconds when those cuffs went on… you no longer had me.. you no longer held me i was no longer yours..
I was petrafied of leaving you… didnt know what you would do… i didnt want the blame for you doing something stupid so i stayed trapped in that relationship…
I am not another satistic.. domestic voilence shouldnt happen…
But i am free from you…
The next girl might not be so lucky…
he wont change… they never do…
Is it so hard to tell the woman I’m marrying how I feel! It’s driving me mad how I’m not tellin her like I used to all I’m doing is snapping and sleeping :(
Because, Although you love her you don’t want to disappoint her or upset her by telling her whats on your mind.. sleeping is a way of not having to deal with lifes problems… Just relax Nath! and when the time is right your be able to tell kate everything that needs to be said… don’t obesse over it otherwise your stress you and kate our and thats when the arguments will start between you. x
new year and stuff..
nothings NEW tho is it? lol
mer i miss my friends :(
most wont know who this is about but for the person that does know… i hope you know i miss you.. and i care about you.. we been through some shit over the years… and im always here for you..
Haven’t really been on here much for a couple of weeks
havent been too well… been in and out of hospital :( and they still havent done anything to help me! urgh i give up with them i really do….
Been getting ready for christmas been a long busy process but i cant wait to spend it with ben… its going to be good… and just what i need really… things haven been hard these past few months for us with argument after argument…
I hate snow.. it might look pretty but it makes my life so much harder! :( urghh….
me and ben are getting rabbits after christmas :D i cant wait!!
had an amazing few days with my baby.
i love him lots <3
Im so glad to be at home.
It sucked being stuck at work!
Day 3 I’m Also stuck at work because of the snow awesome ha
This is easy..
no drinking nothing…
im so going to prove my point and be more healthy :)
Im going straight edge
Im going to do a tumblr blog each day and see how well or bad this goes
wish me luck guys!